I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
