I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
