so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
they need to just BURY HIM!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
