After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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