someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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