Swine flu. Run for my life!
wanna go halves on a baby?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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