I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
