Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
third nipple confirmed
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
