the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
