Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
