Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
