PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
