You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
