I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
