I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
