he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
