Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
