I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
