these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
