Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
