Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
