with your own penis?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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