My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
