The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
