he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
