she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can't just leave with hair like that
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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