Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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