i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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