Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
