Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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