Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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