i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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