Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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