Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
