i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
