My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
birth control should be required to get into college
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
