it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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