Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
