he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
