cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My bed smells like the plague
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
