I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
