i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
