he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
