maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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