Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
