3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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