You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
