my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
