just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
