Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
