someone threw a dead crab at me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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