In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
