Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
