How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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