it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
