oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
