Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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