I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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