Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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