I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
