I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
