yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
