I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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