He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize