when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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