That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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