I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
