literally had 100 drinks last night.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
