He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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