The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
