I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
