Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
