saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
