I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
