dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
