Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
