Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
