Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
