so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am available for nakedness
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
