when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
